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when chuck norris does a push-up, he's not pushing himself up, he is pushing the rest of the world down.

apple pays chuck norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

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Chuck Norris can impregnate women with only a glance. He can also do this to men.

was having sex in a truck. part of his sperm escaped and got into the engine. we now know this truck as Optimus Prime

jesus christ may have walked on water but chuck norris swam on land

chuck norris isnt allergic to bees, bees are allergic to chuck norris

chuck Norris is not afraid of bees, bees are afraid of chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ordered a big mac at burger king..and got one!!

Chuck norris was once bit bu a rattle snake and it died

chuck norris is only bad at being bad

Guns don't kill, Chuck Norris kills!

if at first you dont succeed, your not chuck norris

Chuck Norris can hear u before u think it

Never look Chuck Norris in the eyes..the dinosaurs mad that mistake once and only once

chuck norris does not speek u listen..or die

i love chuck norris

chuck norris created the giraffe..he uppercutted a horse. It is said chuck norris' tears can cure cancer shame hes never cried

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter. When chuck Norris plays monopoly it affects the economy.

trees are chuck nooris sperm

jesus can walk on water but chuck norris can walk on jesus

Chuck Norris GOT milk!

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When the Boogeyman Goes to sleep he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

hee hee i posted twice just to annoy you. :}

chuck norris has no father. he built a time machine, went back in time and fathered himself, then he went further back in time, to when there was nothing, and told that nothing to get a job. in other words, chuck norris is responsible for his own existance, as well as yours.

chuck norris has no father. he built a time machine, went back in time and fathered himsel, then he went further back in time, to when there was nothing, and told that nothing to get a job. in other words, chuck norris is responsible for his own existance, as well as yours.

There was this one time when I ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour, I spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress. I will now kill you all, and donate your bodies to my neighbor so he can feed you to his rabid dogs. Have a pleasant day.

bullets dodge chuck norris

jesus may hve been able to walk on water, but chuck norris could swim through ground!

you know those little metal shavins you use in your science experiments?.. ye well thats what happened when someone tried to shoot chuck norris's beard! that man was eaten instantly..

Chuck norris entered a Dodo eating contest.. and took it too serious

chuck norris doesnt belive in god. god belives in him

If Chuck Norris is late time better slow the *** down

Some people wear Superman pyjamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas In Las Vegas, There was a street named after Chuck Norris. 25 people die crossing that street because nobody crosses Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can connect 4 in 3 goes

Chuck Norris once killed a man with his beard

Chuck Norris watches blu-ray discs on a vcr

Confucius says.. "All my quotes are based on the life and times of Chuck Norris"

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's f*cking beef.

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time with out proper eye protection will cause blindness and possibly foot sized bruises on the face!!

FLOON

underneath Chuck Norris's beard is another fist

chuck norris doesnt follow the law, the law follows chuck norris

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chuck norris know's "victorias" secret? haha chuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle chuck norris can make a happy meal SAD! hahahah

Bermuda Triangle Mystery solved. Chuck Norris resides beneath and pulls in everything for his snacks!!

my dad said chuck norris went to the arctic thats why the ice is melting

chuck norris eats steak every day. Usually he doesnt kill the cow.

There is no theory of evolution.. just a list of animals Chuck Norris lets live.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest